Preparing your family for HMA

What is HMA? Home Ministry Assignment is a period of time where field workers return to their home country after serving abroad for a specific and usually predetermined amount of time. It is used for rest, recovering from "field fatigue," reconnecting with family, updating supporting churches, and raising funds before heading back out.

An upcoming home assignment, or temporary return to one’s passport country, can feel both overwhelming and exciting (two big emotions) for TCKs and even more so for neurodivergent children. There are a few things that you can do as a family to help your children navigate these changes. The great thing about these suggestions is that they work well both with small children and with neurodivergent children. So these solutions can be helpful for a variety of families and situations. There are suggestions specific to older children and teenagers included at the end of the article.

Prior to Traveling…

Don’t forget their transitional object!

All children have transitional objects, TCKs often have an even greater need and attachment to these objects as do neurodivergent children. In autism, transitional objects are crucial coping mechanisms that provide predictability, sensory comfort, and emotional security. While neurotypical children use them to bridge the gap between themselves and their caregivers, autistic individuals often rely on these familiar items to navigate overwhelming environments, manage meltdowns, and ease difficult daily transitions. This can be a favorite book, stuffed animal or blanket. Favorite snacks that are not easily accessible in your passport country can also be helpful to bring along, even if only for days when kids are struggling a little bit more and needing an object that is part of their normal routine for comfort.

Use visual calendars.

Helping children navigate changes requires preparation (and for neurodivergent children requires predictability). Using visual schedules, count down upcoming transitions, and visit new environments beforehand can help your family with navigating all of the new, changes, and transitions that inevitability come with HMA. Allowing processing time and offering comfort items or sensory tools can also significantly reduce anxiety for a neurodivergent child. Creating a visual calendar before you leave on your HMA can be a helpful way for your family to know what to expect when and to have a visual idea of what new places, and people and contexts might be like. Create your own visual calendar with photos of what changes will happen and countdowns to each change.

Prepare your kids for cultural differences.

Sometimes as adults we forget that our passport country may not feel as much like “home” to our kids as it does to us. So cultural norms and practices that feel normal to us, may feel very foreign to them. Remind them of differences and provide them with solutions of what they can say if they feel uncomfortable with that cultural norm. So for example, if you are returning to “home” to Italy where it is normal for people to greet each other with a kiss on the cheek, but the country where you live has a very different concept of space, remind small children about this difference, or ask older children how they feel about that cultural difference. Then give them permission to respond respectfully and alternatives of what they can do.

• “Remember two years ago when we were visiting i nonni? That was fun wasn’t it? Do you remember how in Italy people give kisses to say hi? What do you think about that? Do you like giving kisses to say hi?”

• If they say no, or I don’t know…

• “It’s always important to be kind to others. So it is important to say hello or smile, but if you don’t want to give a kiss, then you don’t need to.”

Create casual conversations around cultural differences, using old photos, videos or talking about memories or stories of past experiences to help them process what to expect and how things might be different in their passport country. Try to avoid comments about something being positive or negative as a cultural norm, but simply about it being different.

Warn family and friends ahead of time of your child's needs.

Letting people know that your child or children need a routine and why this is important or that they are overwhelmed with loud noises or large crowds can help the people you will interact with have the right expectations and plan accordingly. Also giving space to your kids when they need it.

Once you arrive…

Routines are important.

Small children, and neurodivergent children, both tend to prefer predictability. While a parent can go with the flow when there is a change in schedule, for a neurodivergent child, navigating significant changes in routine can be particularly challenging. What are pieces of your routine that you can keep the same no matter where you are? Working to create a schedule and to maintain it in each new location that you go to, can be helpful for small children, especially when experiencing multiple changes in a short period of time. Some things will inevitably change, but others can remain the same. For example: same wake up time, same breakfast routine, same bedtime, bringing a few safe items to each new location (a blanket, toy, favorite snacks, etc). Children with neurodivergence don’t like surprises when it comes to their routines. Inform them about the changes in advance. Be their foundation of predictability by taking the time to explain what is about to happen, and give them time to prepare mentally for the upcoming shift in routine. Giving your child options allows them to have some autonomy over upcoming changes to their schedule. Offer choices within the context of the changing routine. Providing some level of control can empower your child and make the transition more manageable.

Maintain family check ins.

HMAs can potentially be really busy times for parents. It can be helpful to include a weekly emotional check in as a family to see how everyone is doing. It can be beneficial to use an emotion chart. These check-in moments can create a sense of being heard, feeling safe, of feeling valued in the midst of change and can also help you with evaluating what your children may or may not be able to handle on a given day. Create space for family time as well. If you know you will have a particularly busy week of appointments, then creating a day to have a date with one of your children and to check in with them regarding what they are enjoying and what feels hard or overwhelming or what they miss about home can be something for both you and your child to look forward to. Or creating space for a family fun day where you just spend time laughing, exploring, relaxing and doing something fun together.

For older kids and teenagers. . . .

If your kids remember the places, churches and people you are going to visit then it may only take a simple conversation or a shared written calendar to keep them up-to-date on what will be happening when. If you will be visiting new places, people or contexts it could be helpful to give them the name of the churches you will be visiting so that they can look them up on Instagram and have a better understanding of what to expect. There visual calendar may very well be a supervised research on the internet to learn more about all of the cities, churches, and activities that are part of your plans. Yet, older kids still like to know what to expect. And older kids can easily express what they like and don’t like and what they do and do not feel comfortable with, but still may need help in finding appropriate solutions for the new contexts and situations that they may find themselves in. Have a few conversations before leaving, and dedicate some time to praying together. And make sure that you create space for your teenagers too. Even when it seems like they would rather be anywhere than with you, those moments are still very important for them in feeling valued, heard and creating family time.

Home assignment can be both fun and exhausting. Unless you are going specifically for a sabbatical and therefore focusing on rest, it can be an intense season. Make sure that you are taking care of yourselves as well. Healthy parents make for healthy families. Build time into your days for time with God, time as a family, and time for rest and fun. These are precious moments for making family memories that last a lifetime. With a little bit of intentionality you can enjoy HMA to the fullest!